Self Control

I've been thinking - as I sometimes do.
And what I've been thinking on is not an unusual topic. It's one that plagues the whole of society, but holds particular meaning to those of us Christians who want to live what the Bible teaches. In the bible there is a passage which lists what are known as the "fruits of the Spirit" or in other words, qualities of personality or soul which need cultivating in the followers of Jesus. They include such things as "Gentleness", "Goodness", "Peace" and "Patience". All good stuff I'm sure, but I feel that even attaining these seemingly rare qualities may be direcly attributed to one quality further down which makes all of us squirm slightly and skip it quickly to move on to other more likeable subjects. I'm talking of the quality that is "Self Control".
I'm sure we all have an idea of what self control is. It's the ability to not have second helpings at dinner isn't it? Or the ability to say "no" to chocolate, right? Well, yes - and no! I think that self control is probably a whole lot bigger than that.
Maybe self control is what we exercise when there's an opportunity to gossip and we deny ourselves that.
Maybe self control is what we exercise when we make ourselves get out of bed the first time the alarm clock rings rather than snoozing it five times.
Maybe self control is us listening to that person who is rabbitting on in our ear when we don't feel like listening - but perhaps that person desperately needs us to.
Maybe self control is what means we have a set time to pray and listen to God each week.
Maybe self control is a whole lot bigger than we think. Maybe if we stop to think about our lives for real it is self control which means we are gentle, good, peaceful and patient. Perhaps in skipping over this hard to swallow word means we're denying ourselves the very things we're hoping to achieve in this life.

It frightens me when I have revelations like this. I can't deny that I've had some kind of a realisation that I'm not living up to the mark of what I know to be the best way to live. I can't pretend I don't know any better. And so I have to change. And it frightens me that I'm daft enough to tell my friends that I've been thinking and realising such things - as it gives them the liberty of taking me to task when I don't follow up my words with actions.

Procrastination!

Today I've been on a course for work. Was quite nice actually, drove through the countryside to a large hospital near the Dunstable Downs. It was a lovely sunny day for the part of it that it wasn't snowing and it was a really lovely time to be out for a drive. When we go there we did a day's training in how to help over sized people return to a healthy shape.

Those who know me well will know that I've never been truthfully called undersized in my life, and so for me to attend a course like this will have prickled my concience that maybe I should practice what I preach. But what I actually learned is that procrastination is at times far stronger than determination, or maybe my determination to procrastinate is what is actually the leader here!

Anyway, tomorrow is another day - right? It can all start then can't it! For today there isn't enough minutes of it left for me to be able to do much with it.

Now the thought of tomorrow is already dull and dreary - I feel hungry at the thought of it. Oh bother...why can't life be a little simpler??

For Rachel

My dear sister, I hope this old hymn brings you some comfort. All my love, Beckie

'Twixt gleams of joy and clouds of doubt

Our feelings come and go;

Our best estate is toss'd about

In ceasless ebb and flow.

No mood of feeling, form of thought,

Is constant for a day;

But Thou, O Lord! Thou changest not;

The same Thou art alway.

I grasp Thy strength, make it mine own,

My heart with peace is blest;

I lose my hold and then comes down

Darkness and cold unrest.

Let me no more my comfort draw

From my frail hold of Thee, -

In this alone rejoice with awe;

Thy mighty grasp of me.

Out of that weak unquiet drift

That comes but to depart,

To that pure Heaven my spirit lift

Where Thou unchanging art.

Lay hold of me with Thy strong grasp,

Let Thy Almighty arm

In it's embrace my weakness clasp,

And I shall fear no harm.

Thy purpose of eternal good

Let me but surely know;

On this I'll lean, let changing mood

And feeling come or go;

Glad when Thy sunshine fills my soul;

Not lorn when clouds o'ercast;

Since Thou within Thy sure control

Of Love dost hold me fast.

First Blog

Been thinking about what to type in here for a little while. When you write your first blog you want something fun, witty, excellently intelligent or at least vaguely entertaining to use as a subject matter. I have none of the above, but simply a routine day - which to be fair could sometimes decide to be all of the above, and at other times, none other than as previously stated a routine, uninteresting and simply boring day.

So when one only has boring days to write of how does one change the routine humdrum to something which might amuse or at least distract. The truth? One can't.

Routine is part of life. And I guess without it we lose recognition of our own life and we cease to be familiar with our time and loose ourselves in chaos. Some like this kind of an existance of drift and flow. But if I'm drearily honest, I find something comforting about routine and normalcy. And I guess if we're all honest, we all do.

Today however, I can add to this monotonous post, that it's snowing! I do like snow. I cease to be a thirty-something when it snows and become a child again. Dreaming of days off, snowball fights and sledging and drinking hot chocolate by the fire to warm up afterwards when the soggy coats, scarves and gloves are safely ensconced on the radiator drying out.

Today though I'm in my office being a realist. I have patients to see, admin to do and I'm not going to get on a sledge after work as I'm too busy studying!